Cat Heaven


One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven.
Greeting him the Lord says, "You've lived a good life. If there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."
The cat thinks for a minute and says "Well, all my life I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor..."
The Lord stops the cat and says "Say no more!" Just then a wonderful fluffy pillow appears and the cat contentedly wanders off to find a good place to nap.
A few days later six mice killed in a tragic farming accident go to heaven. The Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer: "All of our lives we've been chased. We've had to run from cats, from tractors, even from that farmer's wife with her broom. We're tired of running..."
"Say no more!" The Lord replies. In a flash, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful new pair of roller skates, and they skate happily off to explore the Heavenly landscape.
About a week later The Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing away. He gently wakes the cat and asks, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches, yawns, and replies "Oh, it is wonderful here. I get a lot of great sleep on this pillow, and those Meals On Wheels you've been sending are the BEST!!!"


One night a man heard howls coming from his basement...
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man ... Read On »

There were two cats that enjoyed running together...
There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was English, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois.
... Read On »

Stuttering animal
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that aninteresting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no otheranimal i ... Read On »

How do you make a cat drink?
How do you make a cat drink?

1 cat
2 lemons
Vodka Mix
then serve

A cat's dictionary
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human ... Read On »

Sounds of the Wild
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the ... Read On »

Kewl Cat Quips!
- There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
- Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods...Cats have never forgotten this.
- ... Read On »

Cat Heaven
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven.
Greeting him the Lord says, "You've lived a good life. If there is any way I can make your ... Read On »

Men And Cats Similar?
How are a husband and a cat similar when it comes to housework?

They're both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

Ten Things A Cat Thinks About
1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the g ... Read On »
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Cat Heaven 2/ 5.